Announcing—The Obese Tarot

After receiving a wealth of positive and affirming comments concerning my last blog entry, I have decided to respond in kind, and today I proudly announce the creation of the newest thing in pomotarot multiculturalism—The Obese Tarot!

The Fat Fool Card, the only card necessary in The Obese Tarot
There's only one card in The Obese Tarot, but it is printed with gobs of rich, thick, sticky ink on really fucking heavy cardstock, like you know, six-inches thick!

So, why only one card? Obviously, because this Fat Fool ain't leapin' off any cliff or going anyplace at all. Are you nuts? You think that tub-o-lard is going for a walk? Besides, she might miss the pizza delivery helicopter, bringing her an airlift of doublestuffed delights.

Who needs spiritual attainment, or a stupid Fool's Journey—when you've got CHEESE!!

Now, you'll of course be wanting to know all about the deeper meanings of the mystical symbolism of this card. 

First off, I can hear you asking me, where's the little white dog? Where do you think? She ate it!—hey, that's what the cross is for—sure, she's sorry it's gone, but a girl's got to eat, right? And we won't even get into the fates of the crocodile, the tiger, the hippo, the herd of cattle.

Now, you may think that brown thing with the green topping is just a cliff, huh? Nooo...that is the pesto-covered corndog, dude. She's a gourmet, after all.

Next, notice she's got her right hand hidden. And that's because she's about to offer you a nice big piece of chocolate cream pie—she's gonna pull it out of her ass—because more than anything else she wants you to end up looking just like her. In fact, she needs you to look just like her, you worthless skinny mutant! You WILL BE OBESE!!

Finally, that black abysmal morass in the background. Yeah, that's just the black abysmal morass you'd expect to be surrounding any shithead whose gift of life is so unprecious to her she throws it over a cliff so she can fill her fat face to death.

Bon appétit!